


Kiss me we self destruct

by Scyllaya



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-06
Updated: 2012-11-06
Packaged: 2017-11-18 02:41:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,627
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/555979
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Scyllaya/pseuds/Scyllaya
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean does NOT have a crush on his best friend’s brother, and certainly not for years now.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted on Livejournal on Jan. 21st, 2011 (http://scyllaya.livejournal.com/16988.html)
> 
> Title from The Red Hot Chilli Peppers - The Righteous & The Wicked

 

Having a roommate who was maniacally punctual was both a blessing and a curse. On the bright side Dean was never late from class, but he also wanted to strangle Cas on a daily basis because of it, especially when the wake-up call came in some godforsaken hour early in the morning. Cas was an awesome friend, he really was, especially since the apartment belonged to him too, so Dean could spare a lot of money since he only had to pay his share of the bills and groceries. He wasn’t sure he could’ve afforded college otherwise, even with the scholarship he got. So he was amazingly grateful, but that didn’t mean that he didn’t hate Cas every time he had to wake up to that gravelly voice. Dean’s threats of violence were futile like usual so thirty minutes after Cas barged into his room he was nursing his morning coffee in their little kitchen, dressed and ready to go... after he finished with his morning dose of caffeine of course.

The drive to the city centre, where both of them had most of their classes, was not a long one and they spent it in a comfortable silence - like usual - with only the classic rock tape of the day blaring from the speakers of Dean’s Impala. Cas only opened his mouth when they reached his faculty.

‘So, what time should we leave?’ Cas asked.

‘Huh?’ Dean turned to him. He knew that he was still not 100% active, coffee or no coffee, but he honestly had no idea what Castiel was talking about.

‘Gabriel’s party’ answered Cas simply, which caused Dean to groan.

‘Dude, I’m not invited, you know that!’ he told his friend.

‘Of course you’re invited’ answered Castiel, still with the same neutral tone and easiness.

‘Your brother hates me’ Dean said then, the words came out of his mouth easily since he lost count how many times he told this to Cas.

‘I know he doesn’t’ came Cas’ not unexpected answer, he always replied the same way to this.

‘Yeah well, I can’t really stand him either’ Dean said and was about to tell Cas that he was going to be late from class when his friend snorted.

‘Says the guy who was worshipping his every step from age 13-16' said Castiel with a dramatic eye-roll.

‘I was not worshipping him!’ snapped Dean immediately. He heard it so many times before and Cas really had to cut out with this bullshit now.

‘Right’ Cas turned to him, it was probably physically impossible to make his voice sound even more disbelieving. ‘Because I recall that I honestly expected to one day walk into your room and find a huge Gabriel-altar, with actual ritual sacrifices.’

‘Oh, shut up. It wasn’t that bad’ which of course caused Cas to burst out laughing in the passenger seat immediately.

‘Of course not’ he said finally. Dean could swear that he could feel sarcasm filling the air between them.

‘All right. Get out, you’ll be late for class, you dick’ Dean said willing to end this conversation.

‘Okay’ said Cas, he still had a slight smile playing on his lips. ‘We’re leaving at nine, jerk.’ he said as he got out of the car.

‘I’m not going’ Dean replied immediately. Cas leaned back from the outside to look at him.

‘Dean, this crush of yours is getting ridiculously embarrassing now’ he said. ‘So just deal with it, we’re leaving at nine.’ and he was walking away towards his faculty.

‘I’m not going!’ Dean shouted after him. ‘And I don’t have a fucking crush!’ Cas didn’t even look back, but Dean could perfectly imagine his smug expression. Dean cursed under his breath as he started the engine again. He was not going dammit!

~*~*~

They arrived at Gabriel’s place at quarter to ten and Dean would swear to whoever asked that Castiel had secret mind-control powers because he couldn’t actually remember how his friend managed to convince him. There must’ve been some supernatural powers involved, he was sure of that. He parked down the Impala and watched the house Gabriel lived in. There were people in the front-yard, the doors and windows were wide open, music and the sound of people was filling the air. Cas opened the passanger’s side door, but stopped when he noticed that Dean didn’t move.

‘Dean, don’t be...’

‘This is a really stupid idea’ Dean told him. ‘He fucking hates me.’

‘Dean’ but he didn’t let his friend speak this time.

‘I slept with his girlfriend in high school’ Dean said. ‘And I got him suspended for weeks in his last year. Don’t tell me otherwise, because I know that he hates my guts. And I don’t think that crashing his party would earn me any good points.’

‘He did hate those things’ Cas admitted. ‘But they did happen years ago as well. Come on.’

Dean reluctantly got out from his car and followed Cas to the main entrance. Most people didn’t spare a second glance at them as they got inside. Dean saw some familiar faces, but none that he could consider friends, he didn’t actually know any of them since this was more Gabriel’s circle and he was never really a part of that. Not even back in the days when he really wanted to be. He was “Gabriel’s little brother’s friend” for years, until he hit his growth spurt, he got tall, more masculine, his voice got deeper. He even started to get really popular around sixteen. He got into the basketball team too around that time, that added a lot of extra to his high school status. And it landed him at the core of the group that was as far away from Gabriel’s as possible.

Gabriel was in the football team - he wasn’t that big, but he was really fast and was great at the tactical side of it - and of course the two teams were supposed to be some kind of ridiculous high school archenemies. Dean didn’t see the logic in it, but Gabriel kept up the ‘tradition’. And after a few weeks Dean had enough of the bullshit. His teammates were pestering him to stand up to them and Gabriel could be a grade A asshole if he wanted to be, thus the reason Cas liked to point out that Dean’s worshipping phase ended when he was sixteen.

They never really got along since then, and Dean was sure that no matter what Cas said Gabriel merely tolerated Dean’s presence because him and Cas were pretty close and even if Gabriel could treat people like shit sometimes Dean knew he was a good brother.

‘I’m gonna find Gabriel and tell him we’re here’ Cas interrupted his train of thoughts. He raised his voice a little because of the music. Dean opened his mouth, but Cas didn’t let him speak. ‘Just get a drink and relax already’ he told him before disappearing into the crowd. Dean had to smile, because even if it was most of the time annoying as hell Cas knew him way too well.

Dean headed to the kitchen to get a beer. The music was not so loud in there and it was also empty. There were bottles on the table and plastic cups and some snacks. The open side-door led to the backyard, light and the sound of people talking came from that way too. Dean opened the fridge and got a beer out. He took a large swig from the cold drink.

‘Winchester’ he heard from behind him and he was glad he managed not to choke on his drink at the voice. He should’ve known, he was lucky this way usually. He turned around and leaned to the counter, hopefully it looked both calm and neutral.

‘Hey Gabriel’ he greeted. He remembered a time when Gabriel used to call him on his first name. It was very long time ago. Gabriel was standing in the doorway, gold-brown hair, amber eyes, he looked exactly the same as he did the last time Dean saw him a few weeks ago of course.

‘You’re being Cas’ plus one as per usual I see.’ Gabriel said as he got inside, he poured himself a drink from one of the bottles on the table to a plastic cup before he turned to Dean again leaning against the table. Dean just shrugged, he had nothing to say to that.

‘Didn’t actually expect you to show up’ Gabriel said.

‘What can I say, I’m just full of surprises.’ Gabe rolled his eyes at that and Dean already knew just from that gesture that this was not going to end well. The older man usually went on with his business and ignored him after a short greeting. When they stayed in the same room for too long it always ended with an argument, it was just fact. And as Gabriel was still in the kitchen, calmly sipping his drink, Dean had a feeling that he was itching for a fight. And that was just exactly how Dean wanted to spend his evening, wonderful.

Dean knew himself well enough that if Gabriel started to provoke him, he would react. He always did. He would snark and argue and insult, he couldn’t help it, he always had a temper and he attacked if he felt cornered, and Gabriel always managed to get a rise out of him if he wanted to.

He never really hated the guy for it, he knew it was bullshit. He knew it just like he knew that to most people Cas seemed like a dick, hell he was a dick sometimes, just like Gabriel could be one too. Dean wrote it down as a family trait, and he knew more than enough of their family to say that the two of them could’ve turned out to be a hell of a lot worse. It didn’t change the fact that Dean could see through all their attitude easily, Cas was easier to deal with, even for strangers. He was brutally honest and had no qualms about saying his opinion or observation out loud right into people's faces, even if it insulted them or gave the impression that he thought himself to be superior, which was of course not true. He was easily annoyed and he never backed down from any challenge. And he also had the very annoying habit of being right about things. Especially in case of people he really knew. Dean was one of those very few and it didn’t make his life easier as Cas never stopped himself from saying his opinion.

Gabriel was an entirely different matter. He did seem to have the same insight of people Cas had, but he didn’t just told them, he mercilessly used it against them. Made fun of or humiliated anyone who was on his shit-list. Dean was on it, briefly, it was anything but fun. He was by default arrogant and he never seemed to give a damn about anyone, not even the people around him.

That was the exact bullshit Dean was familiar with. He knew that the people who got a sample of Gabriel’s punishment-drive pretty much had it coming. They were usually bullies, aggressive bastards, or as in Dean’s case: the guy who fucked his girlfriend. Dean was pretty sure that Gabriel actually went easy on him on that one, since he seemed more pissed at the girl, she was the one cheating after all, or so Dean figured. And in Dean’s defense, the chick told him they broke up, plus she was also really-really hot.

Dean also knew that Gabriel’s arrogant attitude and ‘don’t give a crap’ behavior was an act, a very good one, but still an act. He knew he cared about the people around him way more than he let on. He was always there for Cas if he needed him and he pulled out people from shitty situations countless times, sometimes even without them knowing.

Dean came close telling him that he knew many times. Just shutting him up and telling him to cut the act, because Dean got it, he really did. He was exactly like that, he knew how much easier it was to deal with everything like that. He never did tell him . He hated talking about his own shit and figured Gabriel was like that too or even more so, it would just make things worse.

‘You’re going to hurt yourself there if you keep thinking that deeply’ Gabriel said after the silence stretched too long.

‘I figure you’re talking from experience’ Dean replied immediately and took another sip from his beer. That earned him a huff, almost like a laugh.

‘Well, aren’t you charming tonight big boy’ Gabriel said then.

‘Hey, you set up the mood man, not me’ Dean told him. Gabriel put up his hands in mock surrender. Dean was sure now that he was itching for a fight, fucking perfect.

Dean took two large gulps from his beer, already annoyed. One time, one fucking time when Gabriel doesn’t start dicking around the second they meet, was that too much to ask for?

‘Castiel?’ came the next question.

‘Looking for you’ answered Dean. ‘We just got here.’ Gabriel was looking at him with a thoughtful expression on his face, it was a fake expression of course Dean could tell.

‘What?’ he scowled.

‘Trying to figure out why he still keeps dragging you around like his freakin’ prom date’ Gabriel answered, Dean hated when he smiled like that, it promised nothing good, but he wasn’t going to take the bait. Gabriel continued as Dean kept quiet. ‘First I thought he was just easy to take advantage of, but then again, you’re a pretty face Winchester, I’m sure you could convince little brother... how you can compensate for the rent you don’t actually pay to him.’

It took only a second for the words to register in Dean’s mind and sink in and he saw red. That was fucking it! His beer bottle was the first that hit the dark-green tiles of the kitchen-floor. And he acted before thinking, he was right next to Gabriel in a step and punched him it the face, his swing strong, with the added force of his movement from the counter.

Gabriel stumbled back, and the table moved too from the force of it, sliding backwards. Bottles fell down and were smashed to pieces on the floor. Glass shreds and booze covered the floor immediately, filling the kitchen with the sugary scent of alcohol. Dean was furious, because even if he could never fucking figure out what the hell Gabriel was to him, why the hell he couldn’t just hate him, nobody, not even him could talk trash about Cas in any context. He decked the last guy who did it and he will punch the next one too, period. He was the only person he could really trust outside of his little brother so he wasn’t just going to stand and let Gabriel drag him into this.

Both his fists were clenched tightly as Gabriel got up onto his feet. He was pissed that was given. There was blood on the left corner of his mouth and he spit some out before he locked his eyes on Dean.

‘Bad move Winchester’ he said. And even if Dean was prepared for him to strike back he couldn’t dodge as the shorter man lunged at him. He lost his balance from the impact, he felt as his breath was knocked out of him when his back hit the kitchen floor and maybe he managed to hit Gabriel in the side once, but then he got a punch in the face and it knocked his head right into the hard floor, it made him dizzy. He heard a girl scream Castiel’s name not far away from them, his sight was unfocused a bit, but he managed to grab Gabriel’s wrist with one hand, and his other was twisted in his jacket. They struggled for a while. Dean felt as the spilled drinks soaked his jeans and even as he was straining his muscles to prevent Gabriel from punching him again he also reminded himself why it was a bad idea to get into a fight with a football player, Gabriel was fucking strong, despite being shorter than him.

Then Gabriel’s weight was suddenly gone as he was dragged off of him. Dean rolled to his side then started to get up. He saw Castiel first. There was quite a crowd in the kitchen now, both standing at the back-door and at the doorway leading to the living room. Castiel crowded his brother to the wall and he was talking to him in a very low, quiet tone. If Cas wasn’t shouting it meant that he was really angry. His voice always became quieter as he got angrier to the point that he nearly whispered the end of his words. He had one of his hands on Gabriel’s chest, keeping him in place. Gabriel was breathing heavily and his lip was still bleeding, he was not looking at his brother, but stared defiantly to the side. Dean got up. His back hurt, his head hurt where it got knocked into the floor and his face was throbbing, just like his hand. He just got to his feet, when Gabriel had enough of whatever angry words Castiel was hissing at him.

‘He fucking started it this time’ he shouted. And Dean felt as the adrenaline filled his veins again and his muscles tensed immediately.

‘You fucking bastard’ he murmured and only took two steps closer but Castiel already turned around and had one hand on his chest and the other on his shoulder, putting himself between them preventing Dean from getting closer and slightly pushing him backwards.

‘I’ll deal with him’ Castiel told him quietly. ‘Give me a few minutes then we get out of here.’

‘You’ve got all night, I’m leaving’ Dean said and he sidestepped Cas to get out of the kitchen and the fucking house. The crowd parted like the freakin’ Red Sea on his way out. He knew it was a dick move of him to leave Cas behind, but he was angry and he didn’t want to argue with him, and he knew that he would if they were to sit together in the car on their way home.

He luckily didn’t feel dizzy by the time he got into the Impala so he started the engine and drove off.

 


	2. Chapter 2

 

The basketball bounced once on the side of the hoop and fell away. Dean caught it easily and bounced it a few times before making another shoot. It didn’t get through the hoop again, but Dean never could play properly when he was upset. He didn’t even get in. Just got the ball out of the trunk of the Impala and headed to the yard of the apartment building of Cas’ flat. Basketball helped him to calm down, he found the sound of the bouncing ball soothing. It helped that it was quiet too so late at night. He made another shoot, but the ball just bounced off again and went over Dean’s head and the young man didn’t have the strength in him to catch it this time. He just let it bounce away.

‘Fuck’ he muttered, and while trying to catch his breath he listened as the ball bounced on the asphalt, once, twice... but then silence. He turned around immediately.

‘Hey’ greeted Gabriel with the basketball in his hands.

‘Just go away’ Dean said. He seriously had enough for today.

‘Sorry, can’t do that’ the other replied as he started walking closer. Dean turned his back on him, not quickly enough. ‘Shit’ Gabriel exclaimed. ‘Did you clean that out at least?’ he asked. Dean obviously didn’t. When he stopped the car in front of the building did he notice that there was a cut below his eye and also at the side of his eyebrow, he was also bruised as hell. He didn’t answer the question.

‘My kitchen floor is not that clean’ Gabriel told him and he didn’t give Dean time to respond this time. ‘C’mon, lets get inside, you gotta be patched up.’

‘Gabriel... whatever it was that Cas asked, pleaded, threatened or blackmailed out of you to do, just... leave it. Or tell him you did it and leave me alone, okay?’

‘Cas didn’t send me’ Gabriel said, and yeah that sounded really believable, so Dean tried his best to ignore him again. ‘Dean... just... please, ok?’ and that made the younger man turn around to look at the other.

‘Fine’ he said after a long pause and headed towards the entrance, he heard Gabriel following him, but he still pointedly did his best impression of ignorance. It wasn’t until they were in the elevator that he noticed that Gabriel’s face was pretty bruised as well. The cut on his lip was not bleeding anymore of course, but there was a very noticeable red and purple area at the side of his face.

‘You have one killer right hook’ Gabriel said when he noticed Dean looking, but the younger man was sure that he looked a lot worse than Gabriel did.

They were quiet for the rest of the time they reached the apartment, once inside Gabriel just put the basketball down, got rid of his jacket and kicked of his shoes like he owned the place. Arrogant dick.

‘You still keep the med kit in the bathroom cabinet?’ he asked, but he was already on his way towards it and Dean nodded. He then also took his jacket and sneakers off. He was ready to admit that he was confused a bit. He was still almost sure that Cas must’ve been the one behind this, he probably demanded from his brother to make peace. On the other hand, the last time that happened it took Gabriel almost two days before he showed up with beer and made an almost ridiculously theatrical apology-speech. By the end of it Dean didn’t even remember why Gabriel was apologizing he just tried his best not to laugh out loud, but damn him the bastard could be funny when he wanted to be.

This time there was no frowning Cas pushing him through the door though, and usually Gabriel was pissed off for days if he argued with Dean. So as he got out of the bathroom again, with a small wet towel in hand and the med kit in the other Dean’s only thought was... weird.

‘Sit down’ Gabriel said and Dean still felt like he got somehow dropped into a parallel universe enough to do just that without complaining. He reflexively leaned back when Gabriel pulled the little footstool closer and sat down right in front of Dean who was sitting on the couch. ‘Relax’ Gabriel told him, he put the med kit down and even if the movement was not that quick Dean still flinched when Gabriel raised the wet towel towards his face. The brown-haired man took a breath, but stopped the movement. ‘I’m not gonna lie to you, it will hurt, since the blood already dried, but it won’t be deliberate on my part.’

And yeah he wasn’t lying, it did hurt. They were in complete silence while Gabriel cleaned off the blood from the side of Dean’s face. The younger man was looking at him, but Gabriel’s attention was focused on the wounds.

‘Why are you doing this?’ Dean asked finally, because he still felt like something was out of place as he usually was pretty good at telling why Gabriel did things but not this time. Gabriel kept his eyes on the wound and the towel.

‘I just... feel bad’ he answered finally.

‘That’s new’ Dean replied not even thinking about it. Gabriel glanced directly at him for a second then he put down the towel and opened the med kit, now completely focusing his attention on that task.

‘Not really’ he answered after a short while. ‘I usually feel bad about a lot of things.’ Dean frowned, Gabriel looked up at him after he found the disinfectant and clean gauze he was looking for. ‘About the way I am for instance’ he clarified like it should be the most obvious thing in the world. Dean rolled it over in his head, but no it wasn’t that obvious a confession. Gabriel didn’t look away this time and his face looked searching like he tried to figure out what Dean was thinking, he was used to be looked at like that, Cas did it a lot too.

‘C’mon’ Gabriel spoke again. ‘You of all people should know what a shitty person I usually am’ he said and gestured to the side of Dean’s face. Then he raised the small gauze now soaked in disinfectant to the cut below Dean’s eye.

‘I wouldn’t say that’ Dean said and it stopped Gabriel, now he was frowning as well. ‘I mean, I know you’re a dick more often than you’re not, but I wouldn’t say that you’re a shitty person.’

‘You’re an idiot’ murmured Gabriel while he shook his head then he started to clean out the cut. Dean hissed as the fluid touched the small wound.

‘Excuse me?’ He frowned down at Gabriel. Gabriel stopped again before he took a deep breath.

‘Why don’t you hate me, Dean?’ he asked.

‘Well considering Cas is my best friend, I’d say I’m probably a masochist’ Dean answered by reflex and Gabriel huffed out a laugh, Dean hated when Gabriel didn’t make sense to him. ‘The hell? You want me to hate you?’ he asked.

‘No, but it would make sense’ Gabriel answered. He moved his hand to the other cut at Dean’s eyebrow then. Dean felt the sting this time too, but he managed to keep in his reaction. Gabriel was again looking at his own hand and was focusing on what he was doing.

‘You should hate me’ Gabriel said after the very long silence that fell between them. And Dean started to feel edgy the way Gabriel was acting so out of character.

‘Well I don’t, suck it up’ was the reply that came out of his mouth. Gabriel looked at him again. Dean thought that he would freak the hell out immediately if Gabriel didn’t make any sense soon. He was acting really strange.

‘You’re just so...’ Gabriel shook his head, clearly irritated.

‘So what?’ Dean asked back.

‘Driving me crazy’ Gabriel said quietly, then he ran his fingers through his hair. ‘Always, just... I get irritated, and I’m just talking and acting without thinking for a second about it, I feel like I will explode from the way you get under my skin... and I always end up being a bastard to you... and why the hell won’t you just stop liking me?’ Dean leaned back instantly, pressing his back into the couch.

‘What?’ he asked and he thought that he’s going to have a stroke or a freakin’ heart-attack the way his heart-beat rose in a vehement speed.

Gabriel put his elbows on his knees and laced his fingers together. His jaw was clenched and he was still not looking at Dean. It took Dean a few moments to understand the words completely and to rule out every other thing they could possibly mean.

‘Why?’ he asked finally. Steeling himself, because it felt horrible already. He never thought that he was that obvious, nor did he do anything to prompt Gabriel to act like this towards him just to get rid of him.

‘Back when I first realized I just thought... I don’t know... I just wanted to put some distance between us, thought it wouldn’t take much, but it so got out of control a very long time ago.’ Gabriel was quiet and he sounded so small.

‘Why would you...’

‘I noticed it first and I didn’t think much of it, but then one night Cas just blurted it out too and I... I just felt shitty about it’ he finally looked up at Dean again and at his confused face he continued. ‘For the first time Castiel just... connected with someone, finally tried to open up and that was a fucking miracle on its own, I’m sure you know how messed up our family was... hell still is. And my first thought was that I’m screwing things up. So I just wanted to...’ he shrugged. ‘Distance myself... I guess.’

‘You can’t tell me that everything... the way you act around me...’ Gabriel interrupted him.

‘Like I said, it got out of control... pretty soon.’ Dean was absorbing, trying to put the information together with his own memories, with the way Cas acted about the whole thing, the way Gabriel usually was. As it fell into place slowly Dean was getting more certain by the second that it was something that could only possibly make some kind of a sense in Gabriel’s head... it was just... he opened his mouth to speak, but Gabriel was first.

‘If you’re about to tell me that I’m an emotionally retarded coward or a stubborn, stupid moron, I think I can do without either.’ And that sounded just way too specific to be random.

‘Cas has been giving you Hell about this’ Dean said, not a question.

‘Mercilessly’ Gabriel replied. ‘ And he gets pissed about it rather often too.’

‘That must be pretty scary’ Dean admitted, it was the first thing that came to his mind.

‘No kidding, I was scared for my life a few times’ Gabriel answered.

‘Yeah I try pretty hard not to anger him because of that’ Dean admitted and Gabriel chuckled.

‘Little brother is one scary dude’ he said and Dean had to chuckle too. Then they stayed quiet for long seconds.

‘Why didn’t you just stop, Gabriel?’ Dean asked then. ‘Or you could’ve just... you’ve never crossed a line.’

‘I don’t know... I tried not to think about it. I didn’t know how to deal with you after a while.’

‘You could’ve pushed me away completely if you wanted to’ Dean said suddenly and he didn’t let Gabriel interrupt him this time. ‘You could’ve, I know that. You never did... you always balanced it out, you never pushed too far, you always stopped.’

It was Gabriel’s turn to lean back away and Dean knew immediately that he was right. Dean got closer, his heart beating heavily. Gabriel straightened up when Dean slid down to the floor into the space between the couch and the footstool Gabriel was sitting on. And suddenly they were very close.

‘Dean--’ Gabriel tried to interrupt, and move away.

‘You didn’t want to’ Dean said. ‘Or if you did, you couldn’t. You couldn’t bring yourself to really cut me off, to really push me away.’ Now that he was this close he could see how heavily Gabriel was breathing, how tense he was. Like he was about to break apart any second.

‘Don’t’ he said.

‘Answer me... Gabriel’ Dean demanded. He was close, but not touching. Gabriel closed his eyes and just breathed for a moment then he reached out. One of his hands was on Dean’s nape the other at the back of his skull. He didn’t kiss Dean on the mouth, he pressed his lips to the side of Dean’s face, to the cuts and bruises he caused. He put tender kisses to the sensitive skin.

‘I’m so sorry’ he murmured. Pulling even closer until he too was on the floor, the footstool pushed away and Dean had to reach back. Had to wrap his arms around the man he was so irrationally, stupidly, crazily, irresistibly hang up on for so long.

He turned his head to kiss the corner of his mouth, where the cut was. A long, gentle kiss, then he pulled away just a little, but they remained close and then he dragged his mouth back to his lips kissing a pattern from the corner of his mouth until their lips were sealed together. And it took only a moment until Gabriel relaxed against him and was kissing him like this was the first time he could truly and freely breathe.

~*~*~

Dean kissed him deeply, learning his mouth, tasting him under the traces of some sugary drink Gabriel must’ve drank back at the party. The shorter man was relaxed and yielding under his touch, Dean only noticed after he had to break the kiss to get some air into his lungs that he pushed him down onto the carpet. Dean couldn’t stop touching, mapping out the body below him and the way he felt Gabriel’s hand on his own body it sent a thrill through him. He looked down at him and noticed that the cut on his lip reopened.

‘Sorry about that’ he said, Gabriel shook his head and pulled him down, closer again kissing the line of his jaw, then moving his lips down to his neck, just below his ear.

‘Don’t be, I deserved it’ he said between kisses. Dean might’ve argued with the reasoning, but as Gabriel shifted under him he suddenly became very aware that both of them were getting more than a little turned on by their closeness and exchanged kisses. He rolled down his hips instinctively, taking a shuddering breath, Gabriel’s arms tightened around him at the movement and a moan escaped his lips that were pressed to the soft skin on Dean’s neck. He did it again then and Gabriel reacted by pressing his hips upwards, bringing them even closer and putting even more pressure on their growing erections. Dean felt it like a sensory overload for a second, the hands roaming his body, now touching skin where they could, the quiet noise that was breathed into his neck. He had to catch Gabriel’s lips with his own again and he was very sure of what he wanted.

He wanted everything he could have, every inch of skin, every touch, every kiss. He wanted the taste, all the sounds and sensation, the sound of their heavy breathing, the feeling of Gabriel’s heart beating so close that he could feel it in his own chest along with his own heavy pulse. He wanted more of the heat he felt with his fingertips, more of soft lips. He wanted to hear every sound Gabriel made, he wanted to hear him say his name. He felt as one of Gabriel’s hands slid down onto his ass when they pressed their hips together again. This time not even Dean could keep in his voice, and he definitely wanted more from this. He wanted more pressure, more heat and he wanted to hear the slide of naked skin on skin.

He took a second to realize that they were still on the living room floor and he considered his options. Everything he had in his bedroom against carpet-burn. He hated it, but he leaned back to kneel up and look down on him. He definitely liked the view.

‘C’mon’ he said as he pulled on Gabriel’s shirt so he would sit up. ‘Bedroom.’

‘Dean--’ Gabriel started and Dean interrupted him the moment he noticed the first trace of doubt on his face.

‘No’ Dean told him firmly as he leaned close again. He put one of his hands on the back of Gabriel’s neck and caught his amber eyes with his own. ‘You’re an idiot’ he told him simply and continued before the other had the chance to react. ‘So I’m calling the shots now.’

Gabriel just looked at him for a long second, but just when Dean started to think that he really would back out Gabriel nodded. It was probably the smallest and most uncertain nod he ever saw, but it was a nod nonetheless. And the fact that Gabriel trusted him even if he was this unsure about making a decision himself was a rather good feeling. The second time Dean started to get up Gabriel followed him without hesitation.

 


	3. Chapter 3

 

Gabriel’s uncertainty disappeared the moment they hit the bedroom. He certainly seemed to have made up his mind. His movements, the way he touched Dean, the way he dragged clothes off of him and the way he got rid of his own clothing, all were completely confident and focused. Dean loved the feel of his fingers and lips on his naked skin as Gabriel mapped his chest and stomach, traced his ribs. He loved that he could bury his fingers in the gold-brown hair and kiss him as long as their lips were tired and swollen. He liked the taste of his skin and the feel of his muscles shifting under his skin as he moved. Gabriel was above him now after they finally got rid of the last of their clothes, Dean pulled him close to feel every inch of skin. Gabriel whispered his name into the skin of his throat.

Dean shifted until finally their naked cocks were pressed together, sliding into line already slick from pre-come. They both moaned as their hard dicks touched and they started moving to feel more of each other. They kept up the slow slide of skin. It was already so much better than anything Dean imagined. The heat of their sweat-slick skin touching as much as possible, the way Gabriel moved, the way he seemed like he could not touch enough of him, could not get enough of him was everything and more Dean wanted for so very long.

One of Gabriel’s hands were on his hip, tracing long patterns with his fingers on his side, down on his thigh.

‘Touch me’ Dean blurted out without thinking about it, and Gabriel understood it without any further explanation. He lifted himself up a little to make room. Dean moaned loudly and bucked up his hips when Gabriel’s fingers closed around his dick and started to stroke him.

Gabriel kissed him again, he never stopped the movements of his hand, then leaned down to Dean’s ear, his lips just touching his earlobe.

‘Tell me what you want, Dean’ he said. ‘How do you want it?’ he asked, but Dean was just not focused enough to get his thoughts in order to answer immediately. ‘Anything you want’ he breathed and Dean felt another surge of heat wash through his body. ‘I mean it’ Gabriel told him. ‘Anything, just tell me.’

Dean moaned at the words and said the first thing his brain supplied.

‘I want you’ he said. ‘Inside of me’ he finished and that managed to get Gabriel out of rhythm, he groaned and Dean felt his hard dick pressing into his hip.

‘Fuck... Dean.’ he choked out, he was breathing rapidly and he squeezed his eyes shot for a few seconds. Dean really couldn’t help but chuckle at his reaction.

‘You were not expecting that, huh?’ he asked, and he noticed that he was smiling and it felt so good. Gabriel opened his eyes then and looked at him.

‘Can’t say I was’ Gabriel told him as he looked down at the younger man, his eyes roaming every angle of his face, like he wanted to remember every single detail. So Dean kissed him. ‘You got what we need or do we improvise?’ Gabriel asked after they parted.

‘Nightstand, bottom drawer’ Dean answered, and he was more than happy that Gabriel didn’t have to get up to reach over the side of the bed. Dean traced his fingers up and down his back while he was searching. It only took a few moments and Gabriel was back, dropped the bottle of Astroglide onto the bed and held up the condom with a questioning look.

‘I’m good without if you are’ he said. Gabriel dropped it back onto the nightstand with an easy movement. But as he leaned down again he did ask.

‘You sure? Not worried about my big bad man-slut reputation?’ he asked. Dean figured the question was probably half-joke, half-honest, like he was most of the things with Gabriel.

‘My safe bet is that about five percent of all that stuff is actually true’ Dean told him. Gabriel seemed like he was thinking about it, but his hands were already tracing Dean’s skin again.

‘That sounds about right’ he finally answered as he started kissing down a pattern on Dean’s chest, then moving lower and lower. Dean’s pulse didn’t actually slow down that much, but now it was rising with new vehemence again.

Gabriel traced his hips, with his mouth, tongue, with his hands. The he kissed his thigh, while stroking the muscles with his fingers and Dean spread his legs without as much as a conscious thought. He heard and felt on his skin as Gabriel hummed in appreciation and kissed the inside of his thigh.

At the feel of Gabriel’s mouth at the side of his hard erection Dean’s head jackhammered down onto the pillow and he groaned shamelessly. Gabriel traced light kisses on his shaft, then Dean felt the warm and wet slide of his tongue on the sensitive skin too. He was pretty sure that he was mumbling, maybe asking for more, because the light touch of lips and tongue was just not enough and it was driving him crazy.

The feel of Gabriel’s slick finger tracing his entrance made him spread his legs further. He actually would be embarrassed by how needy he might look, if he had any functioning brain-cell left that was not focusing on Gabriel’s mouth or his hand in anticipation.

Gabriel pushed in slowly while he licked the head of Dean’s dick. Gabriel’s finger was slick enough and Dean was ridiculously turned on at this point so he was ready for more. He pushed his hips a bit down.

‘Dean’ Gabriel moaned and Dean could feel his breath on his cock, it was driving him even more crazy, he really wanted to feel more of his mouth now. Gabriel pushed his finger in more, slowly and steadily. Dean relaxed as much as he could, it was not comfortable of course, but it was also not painful. He had way more than enough endorphin all around his system not to feel such small pain.

When Gabriel started to move his finger in and out in a slow slide he also licked a long line along the underside of Dean’s cock. Pushing his tongue into the hard flesh. He kept it up, mouthing and licking, while he moved his finger until he pulled out and along with more lube he pushed in a second finger with the first one slowly.

Dean tensed at the intrusion of course, but then Gabriel took a hold of his dick with his free hand and stroked a few times with a strong grip to give enough pleasure for Dean to focus on. It worked and Dean relaxed quickly allowing Gabriel to push his fingers in more.

When he felt Gabriel’s tongue first licking at the base of his cock then moving further down, his brain downright short-circuited. The wet slide of Gabriel’s tongue on his sensitive sack, tracing his balls, caused him to mumble out profanities, while gripping the sheets with his hands tightly. He pushed his hips down again to feel more. Gabriel’s fingers were now moving in and out of his body steadily. Then Gabriel leaned back, raising his head and he just watched as he pushed his fingers in more after finding the right spot within Dean. The younger man moaned out loudly, his back arched in pleasure and he pushed his body down more onto the fingers massaging his prostate.

And then Gabriel took him in his mouth, without any further ceremony all the way as far as he could take him. Dean twisted his fingers even tighter into the sheets and he would’ve thrust up with his hips as the heat of Gabriel’s mouth encircled him, but the other man let go of his dick and put his hand on his hips to keep him in place.

He kept stretching Dean’s hole, scissoring his fingers and started to move his head up and down.

‘Fuck... Gabriel!.... I’m gonna... stop...’ Dean felt that he was close, but Gabriel didn’t let up, he hummed around the thick member in his mouth and hollowed his cheeks to suck harder. Dean couldn’t hold back and he came hard, his head thrown back, eyes closed, every muscle tightening in his body. His breathing fast and heavy as Gabriel swallowed and sucked until he was done.

It took Dean a moment to focus again. He moaned as he felt that Gabriel’s fingers were still inside of him, more than that, he probably already was up to three fingers if the stretch of muscles was anything to go by.

‘You want me to go on?’ Gabriel asked and Dean had to look at him, his voice was hoarse and the knowledge of what caused it sent a shudder through Dean, his lips were red and swollen, his eyes dark from lust. Then he realized what Gabriel asked.

‘Yes, fuck... now!’ Dean moaned out as Gabriel brushed his prostate again, it was way too soon for it, but Dean felt his dick twitch. Gabriel pulled out his fingers and Dean watched him as he leaned back and knelt up, pouring more lube into his hand and then slicking himself up with long strokes. And yes soon or not soon Dean felt he was getting hard again at the sight, especially when Gabriel locked his eyes on him, he bit back a moan while he looked down at the younger man in front of him.

‘Should I turn around?’ Dean asked and his own voice was also breathless and deep.

‘I wanna see you’ Gabriel answered. Dean let a smile appear on his face as he sit up and put a hand on Gabriel’s chest, pushing him down.

‘What?’ Gabriel seemed confused for a moment.

‘Lie down’ Dean told him and he hoped that his face showed what he wanted. Gabriel let himself be pushed down onto the bed and the second he was there Dean straddled his hips. Gabriel closed his eyes again for a second, taking deep breaths, his hands grabbed a firm hold of Dean’s hips.

Dean waited until Gabriel opened his eyes again and only then did he rose up and reached behind to angle Gabriel’s cock into the right position. Dean looked down on Gabriel’s face as he started to sink down slowly. Gabriel’s hand was gripping his hips tightly, but otherwise he kept still. Dean was well stretched and slicked so he could take him in one slow motion all the way. Gabriel gasped when he was buried to the hilt into the tight, wet heat, his mouth fell open and he needed every ounce of self-control he had left not to thrust up into it more.

Dean started to move slowly, he rose up and sank down steadily, relaxing more and more by the second. Gabriel was still for a few more seconds but then he too started to push up, not able to hold back any longer.

Dean dictated at pace first, quickening his movements slowly, but as he felt himself getting hard again watching as Gabriel was laid out under him, his face open and getting lost in pleasure he started to push down harder.

Gabriel immediately picked up the change in the rhythm as he started thrusting up now more powerfully, meeting every one of Dean’s movements. He let go of Dean’s hips and started tracing the skin he could reach. His thighs where he felt how the muscles flexed as Dean moved. His stomach and ribs, his chest, his arms. Dean started to move even faster, his dick now more than half-hard between his legs. Gabriel grabbed his hand and pulled him down, the change of angle causing both of them to moan loudly. Their kiss was fast and hard and messy as Gabriel had the better angle now to thrust into Dean’s body and he was getting close now. He moved Dean’s hips a little and when Dean bit down on his shoulder with a groan in his throat he knew he found the right angle and he started to pound into him faster and harder.

Gabriel encircled Dean with his arms, keeping him close and Dean felt as his hard cock was sliding on wet skin trapped between their bodies. Dean knew he was muttering again, lost in pleasure as Gabriel hit his prostate almost every single time. He was saying Gabriel’s name, he was begging for more. Gabriel was very close now, he could see it and feel it. He lost his rhythm and he was holding onto Dean even stronger. And Dean was just breathing into his skin moaning yes over and over again until Gabriel thrust in sharply a few more times and he came hard, with Dean’s name on his lips, his hands gripping the younger man as he emptied himself into him. Dean came too a short moment later as the wet heat filled him up.

~*~*~

Dean liked to watch cartoons in mornings when he didn’t have to go anywhere. He liked to lie down on the couch with a bowl of Lucky Charms in comfortable clothes and just relax. He usually did it alone, but that didn’t mean he didn’t enjoy Gabriel lying half on top of him, his head in his lap. He was not a morning person, not by a long shot. They’ve been down in the living room for way over an hour and Gabriel was still only half-awake and he really seemed to think that Dean was the best option to use as a pillow.

It was astonishing the way he acted now, all relaxed and almost cuddly... talk about having a bipolar personality. Dean didn’t try to wrap his head around it just yet, so he tried to relax... he needed it, he was also tired, since they only slept a few hours and he was also worn out in the best possible way, muscles aching in all the good places. He finished his cereals a long time ago and he almost dozed off too, when he heard the front-door open.

Cas walked in a few seconds later still wearing the same clothes he did yesterday evening. He stopped the second he noticed them, he took a moment to just look, possibly to take in the new information and situation, then he just leaned to the wall and Dean couldn’t quite read the expression that settled on his face.

‘Hey’ Dean greeted, because silence was never good. Gabriel opened his eyes at that noticing his brother after a moment. He sat up from his comfortable position, rubbing sleep out of his eyes.

‘Hey Castiel’ he greeted too.

‘Gabriel’ the younger man answered. And usually they were a tad more brotherly than this.

‘Had a fun night?’ Dean asked Cas instead, because silence was still just not good one bit.

‘The second half was not bad’ the black-haired man answered.

‘Got any sleep?’ Dean asked then.

‘Not much, but I guess I’m not alone with that’ Castiel said. ‘Should have some coffee if I don’t want to pass out actually.’

‘Coffee sounds awesome’ Dean said, then he put a smile on his face and glanced at Gabriel. The other turned towards him and huffed after a few seconds.

‘Fine’ he groaned. ‘I’m gonna be your personal slave for the rest of my life, aren’t I?’ he asked as he got up from the couch.

‘Damn straight’ Dean confirmed, but he couldn’t get himself to stop grinning while he said it. Gabriel rolled his eyes but he had a smile on his face even if he tried to hide it.

The second Gabriel was out of ear-shot Dean turned back to his friend.

‘You two had a fight?’ he asked, because he knew the signs after all these years.

‘Understatement’ Castiel told him.

‘Figured that the fact that we wanted to bash in each other’s skulls was not his only reason to show up here’ Dean said, because he thought about it since he was up and he figured something else must’ve happened last night beside their fight.

‘I might have said... certain things I didn’t mean.... and regret at this point.’ Castiel told him honestly.

‘That bad?’ Dean asked and Cas nodded.

‘I was worried’ Castiel continued. ‘The way he left I was sure that he would do something really stupid... he switched off his phone so I’m more than relieved he’s here.’

‘I guess coming here was “really stupid” from his point of view’ Dean said.

‘You might be right about that’ Castiel nodded again, thoughtful this time. ‘And I believe since he came after you as a result I can feel less guilty now.’

They were in silence for a few seconds, Castiel still having that speculative expression on his face and it made Dean frown.

‘You’re okay with this, right?’ he asked his friend. ‘I mean, you’ve been pestering me because of this for years now and it turns out you’ve been giving Gabriel hell about it too. So you’re on board, right?’

‘Dean. I am more than okay with this. I am this close to doing an actual victory dance you would never let me live down.’ Dean had to chuckle, how Castiel could deliver such lines with a complete straight face was beyond him.

‘Good to know’ Dean said.

‘And trust me when I say’ Cas continued. ‘That I am going to be really supportive of this, because you will need it, both of you.’ Dean was frowning again. And he opened his mouth to ask what Castiel meant, but his friend continued already. ‘I’m really happy that he came here and he told you or you told him finally, I don’t really care about the details, we can gossip about it like teenage girls later, but it’s irrelevant to my point.’ Cas said still with complete somber face and a serious expression.

‘Which is?’ Dean prompted.

‘I love my brother, but he has issues Dean, you know that as well as I do. And it only took one look, and I know he will do his best, but this is not going to be a cake-walk.’

‘Are you trying to talk me out of this?’ Dean asked because surely that’s not what Castiel meant.

‘Of course not, not even one bit. I am completely and hundred percent supportive, like I said. I want him to be happy and I want you to be happy, but when I say that you have a slight problem of expressing your emotions I state a fact and when I add that Gabriel has improved this skill to a whole new level I’m also telling the truth.’

‘I know that’ Dean told him.

‘Okay, so I just want one thing.’ Cas said.

‘What is that?’

‘I want you to talk to him, don’t assume, don’t expect. Tell him, if you hate something, if you want something, open your mouth and say it, and get him to talk otherwise this will blow up like a 4th of July firework.’ Castiel kept looking at him and Dean held the eye-contact.

‘Okay’ he agreed. Gabriel got back from the kitchen a bit later, while Dean and Cas were still silent, only the sound of the ongoing cartoon filled the living room. He held out a mug wordlessly for Cas and he took it from his brother with a small thank you. Dean took the other mug from him and Gabriel settled back onto the couch. After a moment it was Dean that scooted closer to lean onto him and Gabriel shifted to make room for him even if he seemed surprised.

‘Never pegged you for the PDA type’ he told Dean.

‘I don’t think that the couch in my living room counts as a public place’ Dean answered and Gabriel chuckled.

‘He is the PDA type’ Castiel supplied helpfully and Gabriel’s chuckle turned into full on laugh. Dean groaned.

‘Okay, you got me. I’m a big cuddling girl’ he said. ‘What’s your secret?’ Gabriel stayed silent for a few seconds.

‘I get jealous easily’ he said after that. ‘And I guess I’m a little clingy at times.’ Dean smiled into his coffee mug, now this was easier than he expected.

‘Yeah, a little’ snorted Cas as he pushed himself away from the wall to head towards his room, and it was Dean’s turn to laugh. Castiel disappeared before Gabriel had the chance to reply. A few minutes went by as Dean was drinking his coffee from his cozy spot watching the TV, but more focused on the way Gabriel finally draped his arms around him and rested it on his chest tracing small patterns on his T-shirt.

‘I also have a tendency to go from one extreme to the other’ Gabriel added quietly.

‘What do you mean?’ Dean asked even if he had a pretty good guess about it.

‘That if I decide on something I will do it, if I make up my mind I stick to it. I’ll keep myself to it... for good.’

‘I think that’s called “stubborn”.’ Dean said and he was glad that they were actually not looking at each other, he had a feeling that it was not just easier for him this way.

‘Maybe, but it also means that if I have something I’ll hold onto it, no matter what.’

‘I think that’s something I actually liked about you from the start.’

 

The End

**Author's Note:**

>   
>  This work of fanfiction is licensed under a  [Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 3.0 Unported License](http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-sa/3.0/) . This is a fan-written derivative work. Nearly all characters, names and places in the story belong to Eric Kripke and all other respective owners.


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